


Prepare for Meeting

by solluxfuckingcaptor (PhoenixUnending)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 18:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1521227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixUnending/pseuds/solluxfuckingcaptor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat burst into Dave’s room and slammed a bucket on his desk. “I need a favor.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat prepares to meet John face to face for the first time, and Dave is going to help him prank the prank master.</p><p> </p><p>Inspired by "I've Waited Years For This" by unbosomedAdoxography</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prepare for Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I've Waited Years For This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/295448) by [benrumo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/benrumo/pseuds/benrumo). 



> This is inspired by one of my favorite John/Kat fics: "I've Waited Years for This."   
> I wanted to know how Karkat and Dave came up with the idea to prank Egbert the way they did.

Karkat burst into Dave’s room and slammed a bucket on his desk. “I need a favor.”

Dave raised his eyebrows, so Karkat could see them above his shades. “Sorry Kitkat, but I’m not into you like that.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. “I know. Thank god. We’re about to be reunited with John and Jade and your feathery orange double. Know where this bucket came from?”

Karkat knew Dave was rolling his eyes behind his shades; he could hear it in his voice when he said, “No, and I don’t really want to.”

“It came from John you incompetent pasty white douche canoe.”

Dave sighed. “I take no responsibility for the actions of my friend, who, might I remind you, I haven’t seen in three years?”

“Yeah yeah,” Karkat waved his hands. “I think Egbert deserves a little payback for the horror he caused me, don’t you agree?”

“You’re going to try to prank the prank master?”

Karkat grinned, his sharp teeth glinting. “Yep.”

♋♋

“Fill it with slime and dump it on his head?”

“Too Egbert.”

“Red slime?”

“Eeew.”

“Tell him it hit Eridan instead of me and he took it the wrong way?”

“Does he even know who Eridan is?”

“Oh, probably not.”

“That does give me an idea though.”

“What?”

“How uncomfortable would you be kissing him?”

♋♋

Dave knocked on Karkat’s door. “Yo, Karkitty. Jesus dude you can’t sulk forever. What the fuck even happened?”

Karkat opened the door and peered around it. “You hit a little too close to home with that ‘idea’ of yours now fuck off!”

Dave sat down next to Karkat’s door. “You want to kiss him.”

A muffled, “NO” came from the room.

“Karkat and Egbert, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S…”

“Go fuck yourself with one of Gamzee’s Faygo bottles. I hope your ass gets infected and you die from Faygo infection.”

“Jesus Christ on a cracker Karkat calm down. It’s cool. Just don’t forget his teeth will get in the way of kissing even more than yours.”

Dave snickered. Karkat opened the door and threw a shoe at him.

♋♋

"Are you gonna stop screaming at me long enough to listen to my brilliant plan?"

"Fuck you."

"Look, I am well aware that you have the hots for John. Your hots are hotter than LOHAC. Your hots for Egbert are powering a small city in northern Texas. You...

Dave would have kept rambling but Karkat cut him off.

"OK fine. I'm fucking flushed for John ‘Not A Homosexual’ Egbert. I really do want to use this with him," he said, holding up the bucket.

"OK Karkat, too much information, I do not ever need to hear about how much you want to deflower my best bro. Keep your repulsive interspecies fantasies to yourself."

Karkat scowled. "I want to kiss his dumb face. But I also want to make him pay for the humiliation he caused me."

"How about you do both?"

♋♋

"OK, so if I know Egbert, and I like to think I do, he's gonna wanna hug everyone, and he's probably going to glomp the first person he sees. So we have to make sure that the first person he sees is you." That shouldn’t be too difficult. He’s gonna come bursting at us at full speed. You just hold out your arms and he’ll come right to you. He’ll probably expect you to crab at him, so you catch him off guard and give him the kiss you’ve waited three years for. Kiss him until he’s dizzy. Kiss him like he’s the only thing keeping you alive. Kiss him like…”

“OK OK I GET IT! He’s gonna freak out after that.”

“That’s where I come into the equation. I’m going to oh so helpfully ‘rescue’ Egbert like the Knight in shining pajamas that I am and explain how he fucked up and proposed to you with that bucket of yours. You are going to act like you want to kismefuck him. Rile him up a bit. You’re good at rambling, I’ll let you come up with something.”

Karkat nods. “But then do I tell him that I want to flushed fuck him?”

“Well you don’t put it like that. For god’s sake do not just inform Egbert that you want to fuck his brains out, even if it is true. Anyway, let him warm up to you first. My master plan isn’t fully executed yet. You’re going to pretend you’re into me.”

“WHAT.”

“Relax man, just a kiss on the cheek, arm around your shoulders, stroll away into the distance, ya’know? Let him freak out for a while, then you can start dropping hints and see if he realizes you want him.”

♋♋

  
**== > Hours in the future, but not many…**

_“So, how long do you think it will take John to realize that we actually aren’t dating?”_

_“Dunno,” Dave replies with a languid shrug. “How long do you think it will take him to realize that you actually do want to pail him? How was that kiss, by the way? Live up to three year’s expectations?”_

_“Shut up, Strider.”_

 

 


End file.
